Surreal State

Escape out the back door
into a backwards world
where Love and hate is one in the same
paradoxes side by side
where being awake is no more real than dreamin
secrets suspended in space
stars growth expansion sol
soul
Love and hate death and rebirth
What do they all mean
opposition of what's to come
what is now
but eternal balance and freedom
The dance of oppositions

used

Today I felt that a million thoughts rushed through me like a flood gate of to dos. While I sat here rushing from activity to activity with the lack of sleep, I struggled to gain an image of the bigger picture.

Sometimes I feel like I do not know what is real anymore. I feel like I cannot even write anymore because I cannot seem to explain myself anymore. I feel as though my grammatical errors are only becoming worse... perhaps due to my ever increasing stupidity? (No I Know it is subjective... but please allow me to explain...)

I felt even when I was much younger I have been more creative. As if my life experiences somehow rinsed my open perceptive view of the world.

Realizing that I have been lied to the last 6 months... and how much I believed all the lies, I cannot help but feel as though my senses are clouded. my senses are not picking up on the signs. somehow I have hid the signs and I saw only what I wanted to see.

From being told so many times that I was loved, but and yet so much was hidden in this deep obscurity. NO matter what I tried to do, to make sense of all the dark areas, I seemed to fill it up with my beautiful images.. my beautiful images of love and compassion. the images of a good time spent together, the images of a safe place just for us.

Why is it that I thought no matter how much I dreamed it would somehow be true? I remember having a revelation in the past I realized that dreams do come true...

But what was that? Just fragments, memories, of my former dreams. .

And here I try to sit and refrain from pondering the things my mind naturally wanders to. Why is it that subconsciously deep down in side i know the truth, but my mind won't let me see it? I feel like I have not had a break in quite sometime. It is like continuously sifting through portraits of feelings, memories, interpretations of these feelings and memories.. my questions.. and then the answers I give myself, even though I have no reaal reason to believe any of my answers are remotely true.

Confidence

and with that came a surge of confidence that flowed right through her every being.


One sunday afternoon she sat there talking to her love from far far away across the ocean. To her she ponders the reality of true love. True love is not that which hides... or seeks for something to be fulfilled, true love simply is. If you cannot be quiet and sit and view your universe from high up above, you will not see that all that persists in everything... is love...

And sometimes within each individual unique lifetime we find a special someone. That someone is special because in all the circumstances that is complex and things fall apart and come together in random measures... you have come to meet this person from that chaos.

And for a while it seems that anything is possible. The thing is that the only consistence we have is this space... empty space to reside in. Things are becoming all too clearer.

Why do I have to ever feel bad when I know about that which persists... like a fountain of bliss.

All the energy that was neptune now resides in my heart. That's where our home is made. For it is no longer in between my mind and eyes, all that is there is the realization of love. There is no such thing as an idea...

Chaos.
This is what we all are until we have the realization of love. Chaos still exists, but it makes sense. It make sense that things are the way they are... because it makes anything possible. Everything silently comes into being and silently goes away...

Does it ever really go away? But is it not just ourselves that are changing inside? Every interpretation of our surroundings states that it is something that does not exist independently of the mind.

So why continue to see with our mind? When we can feel...? we can feel the vastness of all that is in a safe and comforting home. all of its flux and continuation no longer is touching you... because you are the one that is fluctuating... and it resonates in everything

Le Danse

Let's see, the dance of life it is.

With every action there is a reaction. We can make the choices per action and reaction. It is quite easy and the choices happen naturally. If one is not so absorbed one can develop a pretty well falicific calculus. That simply means weighing the options of probabilities so that one may make the choice for the greater beneficial outcome.

As time seems to slow down and we can breathe. See reality for its true nature and with that knowledge develop a pretty well thought out system of calculating one's reality. Now, let us not forget that simply doing 'nothing' is in fact doing something and it to has its reactions.

I want you to know that you are asking the right kinds of questions. You are definitely onto something. It is now up to you to find the answers. Only just know this, you have the answers, you just need help remembering.

How to help remember...?
The silence between your thoughts. That's right. sit in it for as long as you can and if a thought arises so what? You can slip right back into it.

Let the clouds pass.

Any obstacle can be moved. Any obstacle can be made beneficial. You need the tools and the tools entail you knowing how to use the body.

Reach

Look, I want nothing more to be loved and to love. Why does that seem so difficult. Maybe I am really not loving myself properly.
While I sit here and wonder... what this all means and why you're here. It seems like another direct reflection of the inner workings of the cosmos in the sky. Venus sitting just beside Neptune in the darkness just before the sun rises. What mysteries are lying there but a love so far out of reach is it hard to distinguish if it is an illusion... or if it is real. So perhaps someday soon the sun will shine the light on this dance so that we may finally see. As much as she holds on to the path it is starting to suffocate her...
She barely leaves her apartment but just practice her yoga and dance. She feels so far away from all those that she loves.
She really just wants a warm embrace. With her lack of faith, the road crumbles and she slips and falls. Falls away. She reaches out but even then she is not sure if this fall is a blessing.

Swirling

Here they are again rippling
Expansion outwards
As the resonating flow goes through me
I Dance whether it be a painful moment or not
The moment I realize all the illusions
There exists only the same ripples
I am emitting energy waves
And here is the center.
While there exists many of the same centers
throughout infinite time and space
Contortions of reality fall and one sees
Everything is the center
While there may not be a place of no where to perceive
Is it not the same place where dreams are born?
I know there is a place
Where I can go to leave it all behind
In the end finding that the same illusions that are repeated
on and on
One will realize they have no choice
but to let it slip away into that impermanent sea
eternity

My dreams keep dreaming it
they also seep with nightmares
intermingling
al the things that were said all in order to hurt me
why
Have I hurt myself?
Have I been the monster
How did I create this
I must be quite powerful

Let's see how far we can take this
I can create a world as long as this one is destroyed
I surely will pervade
I know I cannot stop
As much as I would like to give up
I rather torture myself with my own ego
its own subjective experiences
its illusions of a deteriorating road

Do what thou Wilt shall be the whole of the Law

The Thelemic law of Aleister Crowley himself. It is one's own true will.
It is instinct. Go with your initial instincts even if one's own judgment appears to be negative. Dissect it, be just, and silently turn away.

Love increases as judgement decreases. Sometimes the simplest of rules are the hardest to follow. "Judge not and ye shall not be judged." Why? One very good reason is that criticism in any negative form weakens you. The world is founded on love, so naturally its opposite will alienate a person as well as restrict one's energy. This occurs when you criticize others as well as when you criticize yourself. Your body is connected with all things and can feel the criticism as it comes in and as it goes out. Try it yourself. Feel the difference? The idea here is to appreciate and praise more. You then, because of the third principle, will attract more love into your life and, because of this principle, you will maintain health and strength.



I wanted to touch base on these concepts because I been focusing on this a lot lately. THe perception has been brought up in my mind from interelating with people and listening to what they say about others and themselves.

I have been well aware of the fact that when you judge someone you judge yourself. So, whenever I criticize someone I think about what That means to me and how I see myself.

I had an experience lately with someone. THey are a self proclaimed messiah... and they often judge others a lot negatively... but they are very narcissistic. (Do not drink their kool aid). I been reflecting and wondering how that person is a perception of myself. I was largely disturbed for days because of this.

I know that we should never focus on how not to be... because that's directing your focus into how you are actually going to be. The universe knows no difference... so we must always focus on positive things and how we want to be and how we want to see others.

Negative energy is necessary and inevitable in our reality though.

This is why I have been in a process of developing a scientific inquisitive mind so to speak. I am always dismantling my own thoughts and those of others... especially those that are negative. This negative process is a growth form... in that never ending spiral configuration.

This following passage is very beautiful and quite synonymous with some of the concepts I have read in the book called the Spell of the sensuous;

Everything is alive, aware and responsive. Yes, everything. Perhaps we don't notice the movement of a rock or hear the voices of trees and plants, but they have levels of awareness as do we humans. If we see everything as energy and connected, this corollary can "come to life." In my shamanic workshops I help people communicate with the elements, as they not only have much to tell us, but can help facilitate healing as well.

Many cultures find sacred the plants, animals, power spots, wind, and other elements of their respective areas. When you can work with Nature instead of seeing it as separate, a whole new awareness of life and love can unfold. Take a few moments today or tomorrow and talk with a tree, or listen to the wind, or notice any animals that appear during the day. You may be surprised at what you will learn.

(sorry for lack of source)

This is why I would spend so much time in the trails and the woods. Sit quietly and listen to what they say and you'd be truly amazed of the epiphanies that would flood in once you open up.